When women die from self-esteem or lack of

No matter the credentials, status and wealth a woman has, none of that makes her free from having low self-esteem, low self value and this undeniable feeling of incompleteness if she’s single.  With all the accomplishments and advancements we have made, some women still do not feel validated until they have a man.

I came across a story of a woman named Jacquelyn Kotarac, Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac to be exact, from Bakersfield, California.  A 49-year old woman, who on paper “appears” to be a good catch.  She has the beauty and the brains combination that one would assume most men would want.  There are reports that Dr. Kotarac was in one of those on-again, off-again relationships that many go through.  Apparently during the “off season” of this relationship, Jacquelyn dies.  How you ask?  Breaking into her boyfriend’s house.  This lady took a ladder, climbed to the roof and went feet first through the chimney and got stuck.  While she was trying for her best 007 impersonation, her boyfriend was sneaking out the front door.  Three days later her corpse was found in the flue.

This brings me to ask what was going through her head and the head of other women who have gone through drastic measures to get in contact with a man who apparently doesn’t want any contact?  What brought Jacquelyn to the point of scaling a damn building and climbing through the chimney?  I’m sorry.  I just laughed typing that because it sounds crazy as hell.  Initially I just charged it to the low self-esteem game but then I began to think of other possible factors.  Factors such as the societal pressures that are put on us to be married.  Anything but single.   A single lady is treated like she has the bubonic plague.  Plenty of times when asked about my marital status and I tell them unmarried, I’ve been asked “What’s wrong with you?  33 and you’re not married yet?”  When marriage is brought up in a professional or personal setting, if there’s an unmarried woman in the circle, an awkward silence comes over the convo as if she just said she worshiped the devil.  I begin to think of all the paparazzi reports and front cover articles of Jennifer Anniston is “SINGLE AGAIN!!” *insert horror movie music*  What is she going to do now?  Jennifer Anniston, alone AGAIN!  All the reports, books and documentaries of the single ladies guide to FINDING AND GETTING YOU A MAN!   Single?  We can help you out!  Then there’s mother dearest.  How many times has a daughter heard her mother say “isn’t it about time you get married?” “I sure wish you hurry up and give me my grandchildren.”  I’ve even heard a mother tell her daughter they were damn fools for not marrying an abusive prick because “only a fool would choose to be over 30 and unmarried.”

Fortunately, I believe because of what my parents instilled, I’ve never had a thought of climbing to the roof of a mans house to shimmy down his chimney like a bootleg ass Santa Clause.  I’ve never gone through a phone or took part in a “drive by” with my girls as passengers ready to slice tires and bust out windows.  I know a large reason why is because of the men that I’ve dated.  I’ve never kept a man around that would give me a reason to have to get all Inspector Gadget-ish on him.  But I do believe another part of it is my self-esteem.   But that’s just me.  Who’s to say just because these pressures didn’t affect me negatively they wouldn’t another woman?  And if they did affect a woman emotionally, does that mean she was weak and not as strong as someone else that doesn’t let these outside factors get to them?  What exactly brings a woman to say ‘when I get to his house, I’m going through his chimney”?

I think I have an answer to the problem:  Mom, stop telling your daughters something is wrong with them if they’re not married; Dad, you’re our first identifiable source of male affection. When we’re validated by you, we’re not looking for validation from any other man; society stop acting like a single woman in a room full of married people is an outcast.  You don’t do the same for men.  When men are single, they’re celebrated.  He’s the “American Gigolo” living life free and to the fullest.  His single life is envied by most of his male friends and society in general.  He’s portrayed on TV and the big screen as the hot, hip, cool, fun, life-is-so-easy, single man.  But a single woman is depicted as lonely, sexually promiscuous females that are “longing to be loved because they missed something at home”, a bitch and whatever else when we’re single.   Why the double standards?   And can this play a part in why we have 50 year-old women in their best James Bond rendition, climbing through chimneys? SMH.

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Hi! My name is Anjela and I’m addicted to Social Networking

Social networking has made my addiction to gadgets, especially cell phones, reach new levels.  I was anti-social networking 12-18 months ago but after pressure from my friends to join Facebook, I’ve been a crackhead ever since.   It wasn’t enough to have all my FB notifications come to my Blackberry but I had to have it come to my Droid and my iPod.  Then Twitter came into my life.  It wasn’t enough to just download UberTwitter, an application specifically for Blackberry phones, but I had to download TweetDeck to my iPod and to my Droid.   Is that not insane?  Then WordPress.com got a Blackberry application.  Then it got a iPhone/iPod application.  It wasn’t enough for me to just blog when I turned on my laptop but now I need to blog on all my gadgets?  Is that not insane?

As I sat at the Dwele concert (3 blogs down) I couldn’t help to notice all the light illuminating from the hands of almost everyone in the audience.  Literally, almost everyone.  Here we have this sexy ass man crooning on stage and people couldn’t put their Blackberry, iPhone, Droid, HTC’s down.  Every moment needed to be tweeted or facebooked.  Dwele’s in the background setting a serious mood.  Singing his best baby-making music.  Since most of the crowd were couples you would think that there would be more cupcaking but instead of being unable to keep hands off each other, they couldn’t keep their hands off their phones.  And nothing, I mean nothing, should keep you away from copping a few squeezes on your main squeeze.

The social networking matrix has controlled most of our minds.  I recently lost all my gadgets to water damage – iPod touch, a Blackberry, a Droid.  When I noticed all of my items submerged in a puddle of red colored juice, my heart began to race and immediate anger began to boil my blood.  The first thing I thought was “OMG!  Now how am I going to tweet?!?”  Not the fact that my very new Droid was less than a month old, my new Blackberry was less than 2 months old and my iPod Touch 64GB was less than 6 months old so all that money I spent never crossed my mind.   Not until hours later and phone calls made that I realized that none of my items would be replaced because my insurance doesn’t cover juice damage.   A loss in my ability to  tweet, facebook, reddit, digg it, flicker, wordpress, rss feeds, BBM, IM and every other form of this crack outweighed that all the money I spent was out the window and I would probably have to rebuy every single gadget I owned.

It’s been a couple of weeks since this epic loss and I feel like a 2 bit crackhead in withdrawal.  My backup phone I purchased just to have a phone has none of the social networking capabilities and I feel like killing myself.  How pathetic is that?

Hi.  My name is Anjie.  And I’m addicted to social networking.  *shrugs*

Who would I be if I didn’t know him

I wish fathers were celebrated more throughout the year.  Because at the end of the day they are just as important and just as needed as mom is.  There should be a shift from this unwritten “societal rule” that mom is the nurturer and dad is the breadwinner.  Yes, biologically mom is but there needs to be a movement in the family structure where dad is also the nurturer.

I was fortunate enough to have my father in my life until he was struck down by a silent killer.  One day he went to the hospital for what he thought was severe gas or stomach pain only to be told it was pancreas cancer and had only a few months to live.  Three months later he was gone.  At this time I can say I had him for most of my life but it dawned on me when I get old and grey I will only of had him for a very short period of time.  I’ve been robbed.

I honestly do not know who’d I be if I didn’t know him.  This is in no way to take away my mother’s role but my father’s love was my first identifiable source of male affection.  It has prepared me for the next man in my life.  Because of my father’s love I do not seek validity from a man.  My father told me I was already valid.  Because of his love I know my worth and how I’m supposed to be treated.   I was so prepared for love and dating.  It was like he had everything written out for me and it was the small things that he was always right about that determined the character of a man.  He told me if a man can’t give you his home number (this was way before  cellphones took over) then he’s married or living with a woman.  That always stuck in my head when I was meeting guys and literally almost every guy at that time that could not give me a house phone was married or with a girlfriend.  I’ll never forget the time a gentlemen was giving me his beeper and office number.  He said, “I work 50+ hours so I’m never home.”  As he extends his hand out with the business card I said to him, “my father told me any man who can’t give me his home number is not a man I should be dealing with.  You’re married, aren’t you?”  I’ll never forget his face.  His head dropped and the hand that had his card in it fell back to his side.  He began to shake his head and laugh.  He was busted.  But what has resonated in me to this day was his reply:  YOU HAVE A GOOD FATHER.  TAKE CARE.   And we parted ways.   He walked away with the card in his hand.  There was no need to lie or plead his case.  He knew I wasn’t the chick to run the game on.  Stories like that were few and far between.  I always seemed to gravitate towards men like my father or them to me.   It was the norm for me to be in the company of great men that in some way epitomized my dad.

Then there are the other traits that make 6FootBombshell the women that she is.   Besides the height and the dimples he gave me the desire to never conform, my righteous fury, my fight for what is right, the revolutionary that’s inside me, my mindset.  All these things are my father.  His role was my future.

Daddy, thank you for being my blueprint.  Thank you for loving me.  Happy Father’s Day.

Queen James: Diary of a wanna be MILF

Where do I even begin?  We’ve all heard by now the rumors of Lebron James mother, Gloria James, having sex with Lebron’s teammate, Delonte West.  Just typing that foolishness makes me break into laughter.  I initially just blew it off but to many “official” people are confirming the story.  Not to talk about this man’s mother, but I can’t wrap my mind around why this young man would want her *ouch*.  Yeah, that was foul but I said it.   He has the baddest groupies in the world clinging to his sac and one night he says to himself “forget that bad ass 21 year-old who scaled the wall of my hotel and snuck into my room.  I’m gonna f*ck Lebron’s mom!”  It doesn’t make any sense.  Then I thought of the Destiny’s Child Syndrome, DCS.  Yes, I gave it an acronym.    Kelly and Michelle practically were seen as backup singers.  I remember watching them on the red carpet and a camera man called Kelly by the name of one of the former members!  He didn’t even know Kelly’s name.  I don’t care what anyone says, Kelly and Michelle spent nights in envious fury trying to find a way to take B out.  But you see where I’m going with this?

You have a team of players that are non-existent to the world.  They are the Kelly’s and Michelle’s of Beyonce’s Child I mean Destiny’s Child.  How much more can a rich, young, immature man take playing second fiddle?  King James this. King James that.  Antawn who? Lebron AND the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Lebron is the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Delonte who? The only man on the team that counts is Lebron James. MARSHA! MARSHA! MARSHA!  I can SO see Delonte sleeping with this man’s mother out of spite, envy and jealousy.

“Yeah, you’re the King but I f*cked your moms.”  There’s nothing that tops that.  She has completely emasculated Lebron.  But if this is true, I’m almost not as mad at Delonte as I am with Gloria.  Come one Mama James?  Delonte West?  Really?!?  You couldn’t have picked maybe one of the cute ones?  Just kidding.  This whole things stinks to high hell.  She has to be the most evil or the most stupid  bish in the North Central region of the United States.  Just like I can’t wrap my mind around him wanting to sex her up, I can’t wrap my mind why she would do it.

I can see it now.  Lebron is on the court playing and fouls someone.  Words are exchanged and then all we hear is “that’s why Delonte effed your mother!”

Lebron is caught by the paparazzi and gives them a hard time about taking pictures…”that’s why Delonte effed your mother!”

Lebron is at Wal-Mart and tries to make his entrance and exit as discreet as possible.  He’s almost clear until 10 year-old Billy Bob catches him at the exit.  “Hey Lebron! Can I get your autograph?”  Lebron apologetically declines because he doesn’t want to cause a scene.  “That’s why I effed your mother!” Billy says.

Do you see how ugly this can get?  Lebron will be 73 years-old and that will still be the running joke.  Lets hope this is truly just a rumor.  What a #epicfail if it’s not.  SMGDH!

Following Unwritten Rules

Dating.  Who made it so difficult?  Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, women are in a rush to get married, men don’t want to be rushed into marriage.  Women have time frames for certain actions with men.  Men act all cool and nonchalant when they meet a girl.  We’ve heard it all.   But who made up all these rules?  Unwritten rules, that is.

During a usual incessant visit on Twitter a tweet from a young lady stated she met someone but she wasn’t going to call first because she didn’t want to look thirsty.  To my non “urban” followers, lol, thirsty is slang for desperate or pressed.  So if you ever hear someone use “thirsty” in reference to you, that’s not a good look.  Anywho.  I responded to the tweet and said that I thought she should call him.  After she promptly shot my idea down, it made me ask myself why we make some of the decisions we make when it comes to the opposite sex.  This lady’s reservation about calling first is an age old topic.  I know a lot of women who think the same way.  I’ve hesitated a time or two in calling a guy that I’ve met.  But why?   Where did we get this idea that we shouldn’t call first?  Who wrote this “rule”?  I can’t reference where I saw this information and no one has a passed down story indicating where they first heard that a woman should not call a man first that she just met.

Many of us are guilty for following these unwritten rules.  There must be a bible of dating out there that we’ve never seen but practice faithfully.  There’s the rule of no kissing on the first date.  You have women with a 3 month time frame before sex.  Women are judged if they have sex to soon with a man.  Women shouldn’t pay for dates.  Men don’t want to look like a punk for liking a woman to soon.  Women shouldn’t call first or it looks desperate.  Who made all this crap up?  We left the Stone Age a million years ago.  Some of these rules are silly as hell.  So you meet a guy and the connection was really positive.  Say the paper he wrote your number on fell out his pocket when he pulled out his wallet or money?  Or he threw his jeans in the washer when he got home and forgot to empty the pockets?  Or he thought he pressed “save” after entering your number in his phone?  You’re sitting around really feeling this dude, your interest is peeked and you’re not going to call because he hasn’t called you.  This man can possibly be  the King you’re waiting for and because of some unofficial rule on not calling, you let him slip through your fingers.  The same goes for you men as well.  You don’t want to look “soft” for calling a chick to soon… but yet you haven’t stopped thinking about her since you met. Smh.  Who made this crap up?

The conversation on twitter continued for a few more tweets and she was adamant that it was a sign of dehydration if she called this man first.  I suggested that it wasn’t actually dehydration but just going after what you want.  She damn near broke her finger typing ‘LOL’. Then I pulled out my smoking gun and asked:  “Is the man thirsty if he calls you first?”  *BOOM*

So do these rules still really exist?  How many of you believe women still shouldn’t pay for dates?  Or that we shouldn’t make the first phone call?  Or better yet, make the first move….sexually?  I know women who believe that they should not initiate sex with the men in their lives.  WHAT?!   I think a woman should absolutely make the first call if she wants to.  I’m not talking about he gives you his number and you call before you leave the store  and then 15 times before you get to the car.  A man is not a punk or soft for wanting to call the lady that’s been on his mind since she captured his attention with her conversation.  There’s a difference between desperation and a confident women seeing a man on the street that has caught her attention and introducing herself.  I say write your own rules.  A closed mouth never gets fed!