I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…

Today on the Michael Baisden show a caller made the statement that women who date for money are prostitutes.   When Mr. Baisden posted this caller’s statement on Facebook, naturally a storm brewed.  The responses were surprisingly mixed.  I knew most, if not all the men would agree to the statement but there were a few ladies who also agreed.  The rest of the ladies flat-out disagreed.  This caller’s statement and the replies from Mr. Baisden’s post made one thing very clear: there’s a double standard when women “date for money”.

Since the dawn of time women have been told that the man is the provider, the bread-winner.  That he’s supposed to “take care of us” and he “brings home the bacon”.  Mothers AND fathers have been telling their baby girls “you better not bring no broke fool home”.  How many times have we heard of parents, family members and friends make disparaging remarks when a loved one  introduced their mechanic boyfriends?  We see it time after time in every book or movie or household of people we know of how proud parents are when Suzie brings home a doctor or lawyer with their own flourishing practice but lack luster emotion when Suzie brings home a man just making 35k a year.  In almost every outlet and every aspect of our lives society is telling women to date for money.  Especially in every media outlet.  Most movies are about some chick getting swept away by a rich Prince Charming.  On TV most if not all of the women of any of the Real Housewives reality series, married  a rich or wealthy man.  And in music, that message telling women to go with the rich guy is even more apparent.  I can name a list of R&B and/or Hip Hop songs that reference the male artist spending exuberant amounts of money on women.. women they just met in a club at that.

I’m going to spend a stack on her; Throw it in the bag for her; Drop a couple grand on her; Took her on expensive trips and bought her expensive gifts; Gucci this, Louis that, Christian Louboutin this, Guisseppie that; I love this stripper so much I’m going to take her out of this club and make her mine by spending all these stacks on her.

I can keep going and going and going.

Men, too, are the culprits in this as well.  I’ve seen men wearing their cash on them like a badge.  I’ve seen men flash their money around women.  I’ve seen men who have done some of the things I mentioned above that’s in almost all of the songs being played on any urban radio station.  I had a man who cussed me out after I refused to accept a gift that I thought was inappropriate because it was way to expensive.  I knew him less than 2 weeks and had only went out to dinner with him and on the 2nd date he presents a diamond bracelet.   Alot of men endorse this behavior.  Some of it I understand because society is telling them that they’re SUPPOSED to give their women whatever she wants.  But does that make him a John?

Does wanting a man who is financially stable mean “you’re dating for money”?   Is it wrong for a woman who makes 200k to ask for a man who matches that?  Or is it only wrong when the woman makes only 40k to want a man to make six figures?  Is it wrong for a woman to want her man or husband to be able to provide a financially secure household, to be able to give her gifts and take her on trips?

What surprised me were the responses on Michael Baisden’s page from women who flat-out said “if you want to deal with me then you gotta pay.”   And I think that’s where the double standard comes in.  Society and this “unwritten rule” can say the man is supposed to take care of us and be the financial provider but the woman can’t say it.  It sounds bad when a woman says it.  Or is it all about semantics?  Is the wording wrong?  I do think of shallowness when I hear a woman say “I only date men with money.”  There will never be a day when women go around saying “I only date men with no jobs and no money” ?   That will never happen.

Disclaimer:  I do not date for money just so we’re clear lol

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3 comments on “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…

  1. People contradict themselves all the time when they live a culture that they do not understand. Western culture. Where does it come from, what types of philosophies and practices influence it? In a culture influenced by the philosophy that women are responsible for the fall of man, it is clear that there would be disrepect and all out disdain for women. Where there is no respect, there is no love. Any contract between two people that have not real love, is only an exchange of benfits. A wife was once property, a thing to be possessed. Dont you pay for possessions?

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… « -- Topsy.com

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