As I browse through my WordPress favorites, I land on one of my favorite sister-friends blog, http://blackgirlthinking.wordpress.com/, I was stopped in my tracks by a very nice looking picture of R. Kelly. She was writing about R’s new song “When A Woman Loves…” and how she was being swept away by it. Her only problem is she’s not supposed to get swept away since she has banned R. Kelly because of his issues with young girls. She, like myself, have been in a silent protest over the years. I admit, it has been a difficult protest for me because I loved me some R. But I was torn. Was it him in the infamous pee video with an alleged underage girl? We do know for a fact he was married very briefly to the very young Aaliyah whose parents made them annul the marriage. Then there was his interview where he said things that nailed the coffin shut for viewers on his guilt.
So why was I still torn? Why did I have doubt in my silent “R. Kelly Ban”? Play any song from that TP-2.Com cd and anything could happen. Especially with my man. IJS. *shrugs* But immediately I would silently scold myself for being in such joy listening to the man. When his latest cd “Untitled” came out, as I was downloading it on my iPod I was SMH at the same time. But have you heard “Go Low”?!? Listen and report back. See! See how I try to rationalize this? lol. Here I was “cheating” on my R. Kelly ban. Was it because I never viewed the video? I never will because that makes me guilty. Viewing child porn is against the law, duh. So all of you that sat in front of your computer watching that video are a hot ass mess. Or was it because no one has ever came forward after all these years? Did I secretly believe R. Kelly wasn’t guilty? Although I secretly banned him, I still felt some kind of way about publicly banning him. I was against the bonfires of his cds. I was constantly in debates with people who steadfastly banned R. Kelly, who was not found guilty of anything, but still supported Roman Polanski films and he’s a CONVICTED felon. He admitted to drugging and raping a 13 year-old girl, was found guilty and FLED. But people still support his films and the actors in his films. I found it hypocritical that we were writing R. Kelly off but still reading Alice and Wonderland and there have always been talks that the author was a child pedophile. Am I being a hypocrite?
As I continued to read Black Girl Thinking’s blog, I began to think about how vocal I’ve been about Bishop Eddie Long’s guilt…before his day in court. Why is my protest about R. Kelly silent but my ban on Long loud as hell? Was it because I’ve been to Long’s church and remember feeling how odd he was and how odd the experience was? Was it because when I see him around Atlanta I see traits and characteristics that make him suspect to me? I hate gossip blogs, especially when the writer hasn’t seen it for themselves or the information wasn’t told from someone she trusts, but to keep my blog from going down that path I only speak of things I’ve seen for myself. With that being said, was I vocal about Long because of other characteristics and actions that make him a hypocrite to me? Or is it flatly because people have come out, unlike in R. Kelly’s case, and accused Long of things that I’ve always thought about him and picked up from seeing him interact in the flesh? I dunno. But what I do know, just like Black Girl Thinking knows, R. Kelly’s new song “When A Woman Loves” is great. R. Kelly’s musical genius can’t be denied. So why am I still partly torn about supporting him or not?