Are You Giving Up Too Much Too Soon?

One Tuesday evening I treated my daughter to dinner at a restaurant to spend some quality time together but this was soon interrupted by the conversation at the table across the patio.  Here was a young attractive women no more than 21, I assume because she had a drink, and a man who appeared to be in his mid thirties.  Aside from the fact that the woman was loud and I barely heard the man say more than two words.  By the end of dinner I knew that the woman had moved to Atlanta from St. Louis and had been here a little over a year.  She had dated an en-con who she and evidently his second baby momma (yes ,two of three, why do I know he has five babies by three different women) were still in love with.  She wants to be a nurse practitioner and she works two and three jobs, one of which is at a strip club.  I ascertained this is where the man met her, as she talked about how she started out as a server and ended up on the pole on occasion.  I sat concerned not only for my daughter’s young ears but also for what this man and everyone around us thought of this woman.

After an hour of dining I wanted to scream “stop talking, we all know too much about you.”  We knew all of her strengths and all of her weaknesses after one meal.  I thought of the many times I’ve made that same mistake in the past and how many women were somewhere making the same mistake. So to help out my fellow woman, here are some first date  don’ts:

Do not talk about your ex, even if you are still not over him or he’s stalking you.  Besides he’s your ex for a reason and if you are just out for the free meal no need to explain the psychology of your ex.

Do not give a play-by-play of your entire life, just brush over the significant things,  i.e. where you grew up and where you went to school. There is no need to include that Ray Ray pulled your pig tails in the 4th grade.

Do not monopolize the conversation and let him get a word in.  You need to have more to say than “He’s a good listener,”  to your friends when they ask how your date went.

Do not drink too much, not only does this loosen your tongue and lower your inhibitions but it opens up many possibilities of things to go wrong.

Do not talk on the phone, unless there is an emergency with your child or ailing grandmother nothing should distract you from your date.

Do not ask to many personal questions.  A male friend had a woman ask him, why he kept his son so much and needless to say that first date was a last date.

Lastly, do not  take away all of the mystery.  Leave some things to be discovered.

So if you are on a date and find yourself spewing information all over the place take a breath and just remember you have to have something to talk about on your second date.

Mimi

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