A night on the town celebrating our very own Mimi’s birthday, a male friend that was with us was approached by a noticeably older woman sitting at the bar. She asked our friend his age and made a comment “I’m going to be a ‘cougar’ with you”. Since he’s a man that pays zero attention to these terms used on shows like ‘Entertainment Tonight’ and magazines such as Vogue or MarieClaire, with a curious face he tells me what she says. For some of you readers who may not know what a ‘cougar’ is, its a term used to describe older women who date men at least 8 years or more their JUNIOR. The term is actually not new and was used negatively to describe old dust mites sitting at a bar hopping on any young man that sneezes on them but has recently resurfaced as the thing to be if you’re a ‘hot’ 30 or 40 year old.
Key word: HOT. Supposedly, a ‘cougar’ is a fierce, beautiful, sexy, confident, mentally, physically and financially stable mid 30 to 40 year old woman that’s not really desperate to be married but really enjoys the company of a younger man. They’re not into playing any games. They like the idea of a ‘boy toy.’ They don’t need your money and like Cindy Lauper once screamed into our radio’s ‘they just want to have fun.’
If you’re like me, then you probably think this idea of giving it a term that women are calling themselves is laughable. Which brings me back to the lady at the bar who approached our friend. Don’t get me wrong, she was an attractive woman. But she was so happy to use the term ‘cougar’ in a sentence that we all just fell out laughing. Also, SHE WAS MARRIED. First of all, it appears that a real cougar is not going around announcing ‘I’m a cougar!’ If we go by this reinvented definition of cougar, she wouldn’t have to make that announcement. You would know the minute you saw her. Secondly, the cougar is SINGLE. That’s the whole point of them only dating younger men – DUH lady at the bar!
So DeeDee and I wanted to warn all the men out there that are looking for cougars to be careful! There are some coyote’s out there trying to pass off as cougars and we’ve compiled a checklist for you to look out for:
- If she’s announcing ‘I am a cougar’, she’s a coyote. A cougar’s confidence alone will speak for itself.
- If she’s married, she’s a coyote. The cougar women is single, ready to mingle and comes without any attachments.
- If she has cankles, she’s a coyote. Self-explanatory.
- If she’s acting desperate and jumping on every single man that comes through the door, she’s a coyote. A cougar is to confident and to bad of a woman to act so desperately. She see’s her prey, she approaches and that’s it. Plus, most men will be flocking to her.
- If she’s asking you to pay for her drinks, RUN! She’s a rabid coyote! Cougars don’t beg for money because they have enough of their own.
- Stilettos are worn at all times so please check their feet.
- If she’s trying to marry you after the 2nd date, run again! They say most cougars are not looking for commitment.
- If she’s 40 years old and looks like she’s pushing 50, SHE IS NOT A COUGAR. A cougar can stand next to a hot 25 year old and have you scratching your head trying to figure out which one is which. If she’s 40 and looks 40, she’s almost not a cougar either.
- If her daytime glasses has ‘bling’ on them, she’s not a cougar.
- If she’s in a sports bar dressed for church, that’s self explanatory.
- If she’s not aware of the ceramic flat iron or still uses sponge rollers, RUN!
- And last but not least, you will not find a cougar at your local watering hole. If you’re at a place that sells $2 martini’s and she tells you she’s a cougar, RUN Forrest, RUN!
There you go gentlemen. Your key to finding that ‘cougar’. Now go get her! GGRRRRRRRRR!